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How to Compliment Your Wife

December 7, 2011

The great football coach Darrell Royal said, ‘Three things can happen when you pass the football, and two of them are bad.” The same holds true when complimenting your wife. Things can go badly very quickly if you aren’t totally on your game. I have been married almost 18 years AND have been the minority male in female circles for most of my life. I can’t say I understand women. That would be like saying I have expertise in astrophysics. My understanding of females is more basic. More like Newton’s law – action and reaction.

The way to a husband’s heart is easy – Show up naked. Bring food. Women are more complex, and I have found they need lots of compliments. Not because they are narcissistic, but because it lets them know we love them. This seems simple enough, but it’s easy for guys to get confused and say the wrong thing. Here are a few of my guidelines. ALWAYS go with a high percentage compliment and work your way up (i.e. you look pretty today). Don’t make the mistake of going for the Hail Mary when attempting a compliment. So many guys try something like, “you’re makeup looks like you did a really good job today.” Pathetic. That is an interception. There is a reason the Doug Flutie Hail Mary is a highlight film classic – it’s dropped more often than it is caught! It is better to have a high completion rate than trying to play outside your game. Another guideline: don’t compliment other women more than you compliment your wife. Complimenting another women at a party more than you compliment your wife will only get you in trouble. They keep count, and so should you. Lastly, don’t say another woman is ‘hot’. This will get you in the most trouble. Trust me on this.

Despite years of experience and training, I still mess things up. This happened recently when my wife came down to model her new Christmas party dress and matching shoes. My response, “What did you do to your hair?” Again – incomplete pass. After analyzing the tape, I should have led with, “Wow! You look spectacular! LOVE the dress! And the shoes, I’m speechless.” Coming up with this response without pause, a straight face, and perfect timing takes years of practice. However, this kind of consistent performance will get you to the Hall of Fame. The other mistake I made was giving my opinion. If they don’t ask for it, then don’t give it. Even if they do ask for your opinion, make sure you ask a clarifying question before responding. You only have downside risk here. It’s like throwing into double coverage. So, if your wife asks, “which earrings do you like better?” Your response should be along the lines of, “I don’t know, which ones are you thinking about wearing? I think you should go with those then.”

There has been a guide swirling around the Internet called the Hormone Guide. This is meant to help guys everywhere on what to say. It can be carried in a wallet or money clip. I think it is helpful to review before going home each day, so I have included it below. Please print it off and keep it handy. Also, be safe out there.

© Johnny Hea – 2011 All Rights Reserved

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3 Comments
  1. Love it, so true!!

  2. It’s funny, but I don’t agree with the last column. I am not that into wine. :)) However, the rest of the table is sooo true. :)) Better stay on the safe side.

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