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Lip Gloss, Lip Stick, Girls and the Dad

February 16, 2012

The daily kiss from each girl in my house has changed since they started wearing lip-gloss. Every girl in my house gets a kiss to start the day. They need it from me, and I need it from them. I just didn’t know how sticky lip-gloss was.

I didn’t know lip-gloss was like glue. It doesn’t look like it. Don’t get me wrong, I like the way it looks, but it wasn’t until my girls started wearing lip-gloss that I began to appreciate the difference between it and lip stick. I have quietly surrendered to the fact that I will show up for work most days wearing both lipstick and lip-gloss.

In the morning, everybody is dressed and ready to go (lips are no exception), and everybody needs a kiss to start the day – myself included. Now, my wife doesn’t like lip-gloss, but my daughters wear it. So, I’ve found I need to do my daily kisses in a specific order so I don’t disturb the natural balance of things in my house. So, I get my fresh coat of lipstick from my wife who wants the first kiss because she doesn’t want lip-gloss on, and then I get two lip gloss kisses – one from each girl.

Lipstick is the final touch to a woman’s outfit. The garnish on a gourmet entrée. The nut topping on a hot fudge sundae. It says, ‘I care’ and ‘my outfit is complete’ and I’m ready to go.’ For the veteran husband, it also says “if you wrinkle my blouse or step on my fresh pedicure I will kick you until you die.”

For men, it is important to notice this detail. If you notice a new scratch on your car, then you should be able to notice lipstick. This will require eye contact. As difficult as it may be, you need to look ALL women in the eye and not look below the chin. Their eyes are locked on yours, so don’t slip. Also, just because their back is turned, don’t think they don’t know where your eyes are going. Women have eyes in the back of their head. Trust me. However, if you are at a moderate distance, then you may compliment a woman’s outfit. Me, I can’t see far away, so I don’t notice attractive ladies at a distance anymore. Not because I don’t try, but because I am middle-aged and I can’t see. I digress. It’s important to notice the subtle detail of lipstick because she did it to look nice for YOU. But if it isn’t your wife or girlfriend, don’t tell a woman their lipstick looks nice because it will come off as really creepy.

If you are not sure what fresh lipstick looks like, check out your wife before she meets up with her friends for dinner. Not only will she look nicer than she does when she goes out on a date with you, but her lipstick will be fresh. (Remember: Women dress for other women, but that’s another story.) Or, when she comes out of the restroom after dinner in a restaurant. Yes, fresh lipstick, which one of many reasons it takes so long. Lastly, if she has lipstick on her teeth, tell her at all costs. This is a big deal. Most women would rather walk around with toilet paper stuck to their shoe than lipstick on their teeth.

Through all of this I have also learned that lip-gloss seals in the lipstick color, which is why some women wear both. If it is waterproof lip-gloss, then you are really hosed because it’s not coming off. After one morning kiss routine, I tried wiping off my new lip color with a paper napkin that was in my car only to have pieces of the napkin stick to my lips. When I finally got the paper off and made it to work I looked like Michael Smith from The Cure. Don’t get me wrong, I do like the youthful, pouty, look the combo gives my lips, but I’m not really a makeup guy.

© Johnny Hea – 2012 All Rights Reserved

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3 Comments
  1. Too funny! I love it! You’re a good dad/husband for enduring the perils of lip-wear kisses!

  2. I like this website very much so much wonderful information.

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