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Is that a Soccer Riot Downstairs or Just My Kids???

September 12, 2012

You’d think I’d be used to the noise by now, but even as my girls get older it doesn’t seem to go away – it’s just different and louder. Not a day goes by that it doesn’t sound like there’s a spring break hotel party happening on the girls’ side of the house complete with music, yelling, dancing and fights – just no foam …yet.

Ever since my girls were born, it doesn’t matter if it’s a car ride, restaurant, church, wedding, mall… etc. they are loud. It’s like they learned to whispere in a saw mill. When they were little, it was crying (mostly me), baby-talk and all sorts of silverware, dishes and cups bouncing off the floor. Now it’s loud conversations, arguments, laughing and music. You don’t even realize how loud it is until that rare moment you’re in your car or home by yourself and all you hear is the ringing in your ears. It’s like I live in a room where someone is running a table saw or hard wood floor sander 24/7. And once I’m outside, I realize just how loud it was. It’s constant sensory overload made worse by music, computers, Wii, televsion, Xbox… etc. all hitting you at one once. By the time I finally get them in bed I feel like a riot officer who just got the demonstrators dispursed – except I don’t have the benefit of riot gear and pepper spray to control the situation.

What’s amazing to me is how quickly things can spiral out of control. One minute we are having a great time, and the next thing you know – a flash and a bang. One girl says something to the other and it’s like a car bomb just went off – chaos. No warning. It happens in under 2 seconds. One Mississippi, two Mississippi… two girls and mom all yelling and trying to talk over each other at the same time – I don’t even know what just happened much less do I have any ability to get control of it. I’m disoriented, confused and trying to orient myself.

Just recently, we all went to powder our nose at church and the next thing I know I can hear my girls yelling at each other through the bathroom wall. I felt like a prison guard in a secure room with prisoners rioting in the next cell block while my wife is held hostage in her stall. Church?? Really?? Work with me.

It would be hard enough if the yelling and noise happened only when they’re fighting, but they’re just as loud when they’re having fun together. I’ve gone to their rooms’ on more than one occasion feeling like I was about to walk into the octagon to break up a fight only to see they’re having fun.

My nerves are so fried that I’m like a scared alley cat that jumps at the slightest sound. I now accept that when I’m old I will either be the old guy you see nodding off in the corner of a wedding reception, or a nice person in white scrubs will be pushing me around a lovely facility in a wheel chair while I enjoy the fresh air and feed the ducks…. if I could just work one weekend month into my calendar maybe the shakes and bad dreams would stop.

© Johnny Hea – 2011 All Rights Reserved


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