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Uhhhh…. I’m Waiting for My Wife

January 19, 2012

I once heard a man tell a bridegroom to take a good look at his bride because it would be the only time in his life his bride would spend the entire day getting ready for you. Well, although my wife hasn’t spent an entire day getting ready to go out with me since we got married, it sometimes feels like it.

Like most guys, when I was young I thought all the pretty girls I saw looked like that, or close, all the time. Much like the disappoint on Dorothy’s face when Toto pulled back the curtain to see how the Wizard really came to life, I too was bummed out by what it actually takes for girls to get dressed and get out the door each day. Hair, nails, make-up – it doesn’t sound like much to the untrained guy…. but it is.

For years I never understood the joke my grandfather told about the man who taught himself to play classical piano while waiting for his wife to get ready. It really is an amazing process, and there is no better example of the 80-20 rule that says you spend 80% of your time to do 20% of your work. This also means that 80% of the magic happens in about the last 5 minutes.

The other day my wife reminded me again how it was “obvious” that a “man” designed our bathroom because there is only one electric plug on her side. After the shower happens, everything goes into overdrive – curling irons (yes, plural), hair rollers, hair dryer, make-up, outfits (totally within the rules to call an audible on your outfit if you are a girl), hair spray, accessories, shoes…etc. And since there is only one plug on her side, her stuff is spread out on her side and my side and she requires use of the entire bathroom. It is a frenzy of activity that resembles mission control before a shuttle launch.

At the five minute warning, I say the usual, “I will be waiting in the car. We NEED to leave in five minutes.” But as I leave the room, she is in her robe, her hair is wet, and only about half of her make-up is on. Then, five minutes later she is in the car, totally together, dressed, hair is fixed, and make-up is on – mostly. What actually happens in those last five minutes remains one of the great mysteries to men everywhere along with the Great Pyramids of Egypt, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Ford or Chevy and existence of Bigfoot.

© Johnny Hea – 2012 All Rights Reserved

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