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What’s the Deal with the Pillows???!!!!

January 12, 2012

The couch, the bed, my chair, the kids’ beds are each a Rubik’s cube puzzle when it comes to CORRECTLY arranging the pillows. Why do we need all of these pillows, and why do they need to be arranged in a specific way?

Back in the dark ages when I was single, my home life was simple. I slept in a sleeping bag, I could move all of my belongings in one car trip and I had no home furnishings much less the accoutrements that made them ‘warm and cozy’. I had two pillows I slept with, and I really didn’t see a need to have more pillows than was functionally necessary. Then I got married, had kids and it not only takes half of a tractor trailer to move all of our belongings, but my sleeping bags are in the storage closet and it seems each room has a dozen pillows that need to be placed in a very specific way so the room looks ‘inviting’. Bed pillows, throw pillows, decorative pillows, body pillows, donut pillows, neck pillows, travel pillows, knee pillows, down pillows, foam pillows, buckwheat hull pillows, pillow pets, orthopedic pillows, pillows with fringe, bolsters…it’s chaos.

From my perspective, there is nothing warm and inviting about a room that doesn’t have any place to sit or sleep because there are too many pillows on the furniture. But I learned early on in marriage that if your wife doesn’t like your opinion, then it doesn’t count. So I live with it.

We currently have 13 pillows on our bed that are to be arranged in a VERY specific way, and my Martha Stewart wife is standing ready to inspect my work to make sure I did it correctly. I find the order and combination is overwhelming, so I suggested using a Sharpie marker to number each one to ensure I put the pillows in the right order after making the bed. No buy-in. This is all made worse by the fact that my Goldilocks has an opinion when it comes to which pillow she sleeps with – “This pillow is too hard. This one is too soft. This one is too big. This one is too small…” I never know which pillow is mine because there are 13, I can’t tell them apart, and my wife won’t let me mark the pillows with a Sharpie so I know which ones are mine. So, at least once a week, after I have finally made it to bed, the lights are off, all is finally quiet, and I am about to….. finally…. doze…. off…. to…. sleep, she rolls over and without whispering she says, “I think you have one or both of my pillows, can we please trade…”

© Johnny Hea – 2012 All Rights Reserved


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  1. Si amigo. My house suffers from the same disease. Cause known, antidote is not being married.

    i will say this is a US sorority girl phenomenon. having lived in Europe, i can say that those hawt Deutsche girls like the simplicity of less is more. for some reason the Ph Phi or Tri Delt house brainwashes nice young American ladies, with as AC/DC says “those american thighs” into thinking that more is more when it comes to pillows. I assume the pillow industry union is behind these shinnanigans!

  2. My husband could have written this word for word. Very funny!

  3. the bright side life coaching permalink

    This made me smile…oh, the ins and outs of domestic life…

    I would love it if you checked out my blog!

    Dulce Fuentes
    Chicago Area Life Coach
    Self Esteem and Relationship Building

  4. Diana Harris permalink

    Ok, Johnny, this made the girls and I laugh! And every word is absolutely true!! Love it. Gotta appreciate the God-made differences between man and woman, huh?
    Diana H

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