Lay-Z-Boy Chairs, Men, Women and Mopeds

All guys love recliner chairs, and we prefer the ones with the handle on the side because it takes less work to get in the optimal television watching position. The only thing I have found that is better are the sofas that have double lay-z-boy chairs (one on each end) and a center console that gives you the ability to keep your drinks cold so you don’t have to move when you get thirsty. My wife, and others like her, has a different perspective on these home accessories. In short, I am not allowed to have one unless it is out of sight or perfectly camouflaged to look like a straight-back chair.

The lay-z-boy chairs that don’t look like a recliner basically suck. The foot rest doesn’t come out far enough, the head and foot rests aren’t padded enough, it doesn’t have the side-rails for my head for when I fall asleep, there isn’t a side pocket for my remote controls and newspapers, and without the stick shifter on the side, you are limited to only one or two positions compared to the variety of positions the shifter allows you to dial in. They are worthless. There are countless guys who owned one of these in their single days only to have their wife kick it to the curb after they got married. I’ve even heard of guys who aren’t allowed to put one in their man cave because the ‘decorator’ said, “no.” Really????

So, I was more than a little surprised the first time I took my girls to the mani/pedi spa to find dozens of lay-z-boy recliners, with stick shifters, lining the walls. And, each chair was filled with LADIES getting their paws and claws attended to. I made the mistake of speaking in an outside voice only to get the stink eye from some lady. I learned quickly not to go harshing some woman’s mellow while she is in the middle of a pedicure. Then as the light inside my head turned on, one lady looked at me as if to say, “if you breath a word of any of this to ANY man outside of these four walls (especially my husband), I will personally claw out your eyes with my new acrylic nail wraps.”

It’s a conspiracy! Women don’t want laz-y-boy chairs at home, so they act like they hate them, but THEY DON’T. They just want us to think they hate them. But why can’t we have one at home? Sure, they are more functional than attractive (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), but I think it is because they know they wouldn’t be able to get us out of it for two days of each week. What better way to get your husband ticking off items on his ‘honey-do’ punch list than to have him watch a football game in some uncomfortable chair or hard couch you aren’t allowed to eat on.

Think about it! You’ve never seen Lay-Z-Boy, Inc. file for bankruptcy. Why? Because no banker wants to chain and padlock a Lay-Z-Boy factory with a mob of angry women walking around in flip flops and sandals whose feet look like they are for climbing trees and warding off predators because they haven’t gotten pedicure in six weeks. And the women with the scaly, cracked heels, they would be the meanest. So, the ladies will make sure Lay-Z-Boy stays in business because there is no way they are going to sit in a metal folding chair to get a pedicure. You would have female uprisings all across this great land of ours if it ever came to that.

This brings me to my final observation, which is the guys that get pedicures. I have never understood this until now, but I have figured out that it is the only opportunity these hen-pecked guys get to relax in a fully-loaded lay-z-boy (w/ stick shift) in peace and quiet. What I now realize is that laz-y-boy chairs are to women what mopeds are to guys – neither wants to admit they like them.

© Johnny Hea – 2011 All Rights Reserved