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Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Bobby Petrino and Me

April 18, 2012

As an Arkansas fan, I have been glued to the Bobby Petrino story as it unfolds like a Greek tragedy. This drama was a bug looking for a windshield from the beginning, but what I find most interesting is the more than 4,300 text messages Bobby sent his mistress/girlfriend during their relationship. I don’t think I’ve sent my wife nearly that many texts in almost 20 years of marriage????? Boyfriends and girlfriends text and give gifts – husbands and wives don’t do a very good job of this.

The Bobby Petrino story is a classic tale of a 51-year-old married coach at the top of his career who fell for a 26-year-old young lady. The relationship was on the down-low until they wrecked while on a motorcycle ride together. He tried to cover up the fact that she was riding with him when they crashed, but eventually the truth caught up – it’s never the crime, but the cover-up that always gets people in trouble.

What’s interesting to me is how this story points out how differently people interact with their boyfriends and girlfriends than they do their spouse. Since Bobby was using his work cell phone to call and text his girlfriend (another bad decision), we know that he sent over 4,300 text messages to her during the course of their relationship – Just PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL! I would be willing to bet that during that same time frame there were about 100 text messages between him and his wife, and they were basically the same three things my wife and I text about:

WIFE: What time are you coming home?
WIFE: Will you pick up some milk on the way?
WIFE: Call me.

I can’t use the excuse that I didn’t grow up texting. Bobby certainly figured it out. I text a love note to my wife once, but I accidently sent it to my 12-year-old daughter instead. Awkward. So, I’m still working on it.

Bobby also gave his girlfriend $20,000 that she used to buy a car, and he hired her to work with him. A gift AND a job??? I don’t know of any husbands that give their wife cash AND hire them so they can work together??

To be fair, I am wondering if Bobby ever asked his wife to go on a motorcycle ride. And if he did, did she go?

Switching gears for a moment, I have a friend who was dating a woman that gave him an almost new bicycle since he liked to ride. Nice gift. The funny part is that it was her ex-husband’s. So, my buddy’s girlfriend gave him her ex-husband’s bike. Again – boyfriends and girlfriends giving gifts. Then, one day he tells me he wants me to have this bike his old girlfriend gave him because he already has two other bikes (he has lots of girlfriends), I ride a lot more than he does and it’s too small and doesn’t fit him anyway. Thank you!! (Somewhere there is guy out there wondering what happened to his bike during the move.)

So, what did we learn from all of this? Well, girlfriends and boyfriends are expensive. Forget about the $20k Bobby gave his girlfriend. That girl cost him a job that paid $3.5 VERY LARGE a year. Text your wife (not your assistant at work) to go on a motorcycle ride with you, and on your date don’t talk about kids, money, in-laws or any other hot-button issues in your house. It ruins the mood. Boyfriends and girlfriends don’t talk about this stuff on their dates, so you shouldn’t either. If you are riding on the back of a motorcycle with your husband, don’t be thinking (or talking) about who will take care of the kids in the event of your death (it’s bad enough this conversation happens before every airplane flight) – you will not be a fun date. Give your husband or wife a gift. This makes them feel like a boyfriend or girlfriend and keeps things fresh. Lastly, if you divorce your wife, chances are good she will give your bike to her new boyfriend.

Who won??? The way I see it I am the only real winner in all of this. One day I am sitting there eating a burrito and my friend gives me a cool bike. So, if you want cool stuff, you really don’t need a girlfriend. You just need a friend with a girlfriend. It’s much easier.

© Johnny Hea – 2012 All Rights Reserved

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